Sunday, March 4, 2007

The Tale of Embryon

There once was a little boy, a very little boy, and young, very very young. His mother was dainty, considerably dainty. And his life was a chore, a bore and the sort of a crapfest from which grew lore. Sorry about the rhyme, I got carried away. The point is that he was small and his life was a big task. His mom was dainty so she was not likely to be of any great assistance to him.

When he went to school he had to stay inside his mothers womb, this was difficult for him because of all of the name-calling. Names like mommas boy, belly boy, core and unborn/undead were commonly heard (by his mother) on the playground. He was generally unaware of the sadness he should be feeling. I think I forgot to mention that his mother was also petite, both dainty and petite. As Embryon grew older he depleted his mothers few resources to such a great degree that she eventually had to give him up for adoption. She was saddened that she had to leave her home that she loved so, and had paid for with money that was supposed to go to her education at the International Steroids and Weightlifting University. Now all her dreams were replaced by vague, indifferent hypotheses about what it might be like to be any two other people besides herself and her son.

The foster parents were very friendly and astute, they were like very very large teachers, and they knew it. Embryon’s new family sent him off to military school, imagining it would make a man out of him. They were fairly bright folks, but not hip to the fact that it is difficult to make a man out of a boy that still has a mother outside of him. The simple fact is that Embryons mother couldn’t keep up with the rigorous training needed to keep her son in military school. Plus, she was disturbed by the fact that all of the classes were about how to scoop guts out of moms.

At long last, Embryon’s mom had enough with the prison inside her and took her own life by giving him his. At this emergence, Embryon was fleshy and raw. His adoptive parents were happy to finally see him in all his huddled red radiance. And quickly introduced him to his adoptive brothers Cephalovoid and Extrolung as well as his adoptive sisters Cranimorph and Rhinaclasp. As he sat in a pool of blood he began to appreciate that there were many others in this world that were odd and had difficulty fitting in. He started to realize that he had spent too much time hiding in the womb and needed to get out there and live his life.

His adoptive parents allowed him to go to school with his brothers and sisters and were able to get him honorably discharged from military school.

At his first day of school he was happy to see that his brothers and sisters were all greeted in a kind way by all of other children. As he walked proudly with his siblings everyone shouted to them in perfect harmony, “hey, what are you kids doing with that fetard?”

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