Sunday, December 30, 2007

Common Sea Life

They met at the shore like sand and sea,
Different as good and evil, close as cloud and sky.
Wherever he was she would also be,
Right or wrong, Good or bad, Live or die.
But anyone, anytime, anywhere can take her water for free.
He dreams of treading as she waves goodbye.
Pools of tears make it hard to swallow.
He’s overwhelmed by the changing tides.
But it still makes the ocean seem shallow.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Difference Between You and Me...

You like to think you like me because you like to think you’re like me. But I don’t really care that you think I think like you. You would talk to me all day and tell me it’s just like if I was talking to you. Do you love yourself so much that you can’t let me be anyone else? If we have anything in common, that’s barely anything at all.

You claim we’re the same in opposite ways, like near and far, east and west, up and down, black and white. Perhaps that’s true, but that makes our similarities uninteresting and our differences unknowable.

You say you know me better than I know myself, but how could the person who is my exact opposite know me so well? And if you tell me again, that our being so different is exactly why we're the same, then I’ll remind you that I would never say that I know anyone better than they know themselves, not even my own clone.

You didn’t know I had a clone? There are many things I could have explained to you if only you hadn’t insisted on explaining them to me. And now you’re wondering what else I would have said.

The only difference between you and me is me and you.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

to all the girls I’ve never loved before...

Here is a representative slice of apologetic data for all the girls I've never loved and true stories of preemptive avoidance of intimacy. All I can say is that I'm sorry but there is only so much of me to go around...

To the girl who always tried to kiss me...
I was 4 years old and so were you. You were just slightly bigger and stronger than me. You clearly had a crush on me, but I wanted to crush that crush. We were 4! Did you really think we had a shot at a real romantic relationship? Did you think I was going to support you on my allowance? Well, if you bothered to ask me any questions instead of just jumping on me and kissing me, I could have explained it all to you. Besides, I thought you looked like a pig and I hated your irritating lisping baby-talk speech impediment.

To the creepy girl who would stare at me when I tried to use the toilet...
I don't fully blame you. There were no doors on our communal unisex kindergarten restroom. The teacher probably assigned you to check up on me anyway. But you were stupid and insane and filthy. I know that your behavior was somehow modified by a bad home life. So I'm sorry for the mean things that I said, even though they were just toned down versions of the truth. Oh, you were a filthy beast. I saw you a few years later overdosing apparently just to get attention. What you didn't seem to realize is that all that commotion turns to white noise and you become invisible.

To my aunt who trapped me in the stairway and smothered me with kisses...
No means no! Seriously, I felt like I was being raped. Sorry I didn't bite you in the face but I was afraid I'd catch more diseases from your blood than your saliva.

To the leader of the “girl gang”...
I know that I was the greatest presence to grace our 1st grade class. But that didn't take much, did it? I suppose that many men would have dreamed of being captured by your gang of girls and held in your arms, but those men are perverts, and I was a little boy who just wanted to be left alone. And how did this become something where you brought me to robert so he could sit on me? Did you really think we’d have a relationship after that? Besides, how could I have spent real quality time with all of you girls and robert? The relationship was not well thought out on your part. Did you never notice that I was trying to avoid you? That’s why I was running.

(Robert, I know you are not a girl, but you sure acted like one quite often. I have to admit that I was a bit disturbed that you always wanted to sit on me after the girls caught me. But I was far more disturbed when you showed up in my first grade class a couple of months after school started. It didn’t help that you were somehow able to get the kid next to me to move so you could take his place. When you explained to me that you threw a tantrum every day until they finally sent you to my class, I was thoroughly and officially creeped out.)

To all the girls in my second grade class...
The only reason I was going to read your valentine cards is because I was a hired spy and had to see if your valentines and other notes sent to other kids in school were true or just “seasons greetings”. Well, I never got a chance to look at any of them anyway but I didn’t lose much money on the deal.

To all the girls in the 3 third grade classes in my school...
I know you weren’t all in love with me, but I had to make sure that YOU knew. That’s why I systematically broke each and every one of your tiny little hearts. It took me hours to copy with carbon paper the over 80 notes with 3 different themes - I sent you (by sneaking into your classes and placing them in each of your desks, which is easy when you’re a spy). I’d like to make a special apology now, to the girl in my class who’s note was intercepted by the teacher. I know that the teacher’s plan was to embarrass me by reading my love note to you in front of the class. Although it was classic to see her facial expressions shift as she read, “roses are red, violets are blue, this scrap is just garbage and so are you”, I still felt bad that the teacher was too stupid to stop reading and made you cry. I know that many other girls were crying that day as well, but your tears were the ones that hurt. I mean, little girls really don’t seem to like that sort of thing. So, I can’t remember your name, but I remember that day and sometimes wonder if I destroyed lives. I had no idea people could be so fragile. So sorry.

I guess it only makes sense that I can’t think of any girls who liked me for the rest of grade school...

To that girl who was always staring at me in seventh grade and finally got the courage to sit next to me on the bus...
I’m somewhat sorry that the first thing I ever said to you was, “you have snot hanging out of your nose”, but it was true, you did. Besides, I was pretty sure that if I said it, you would instantly hate me and leave me alone. I was right. But I am a bit sorry. Why did you try to push the thing back into your nose though? That was just twisted!

To the girl who would always rub up against me while asking me questions in eighth grade civics class...
So you were cute, big deal. You obviously liked me because you knew I never studied or paid attention in civics class, yet you were constantly coming over to my desk to ask questions. I chose to answer your questions (as though I actually cared about civics) and ignore your small breasts being pushed up against my left arm. How far did you think this relationship would go in civics class? Then one day (years later) you happened to meet me in a convenience store halfway between Minneapolis and Duluth and showed me how you had surgery to correct your slightly skewed lower jaw. You used to be cute, now you were pretty. I told you that you looked better before the surgery, sorry about that. Anyway, what did you expect? We had 5 minutes together in the snack aisle of a convenience store, and you couldn’t even think of any civics questions to ask me.

To the girl on my bus when I was in ninth grade, who was always nice to me and was telling everybody except me how much she liked me...
I have to admit I was a bit flattered, but you wore so much makeup that I knew your face was eroding beneath that carefully plastered and smoothed exterior. So when you finally indicated your fondness for me, I knew it could never work. My face was smooth and tight, your face was invisible. Plus, the only thing we had in common was that we rode the same school bus and were forced to listen to Def Leppard together, but I think you enjoyed it.

To the girl at the arcade who rubbed her body up against me while pretending the huge arcade door was too narrow...
Of course I ignored you. You were looking for a reaction. I kept talking to my friend and pretended you weren’t spending an inordinate amount of time and energy passing me by. I knew you were trying to get my attention because there was a lot more up and down motion than side to side motion. But I ignored you and you got bored and left. Sorry, but it must not have been love.

To the girl who seemed to hang on my every word...
You were impressed by the fact that we had the same last name. Your friends were impressed when I tore a five dollar bill in half. I talked to you quite often until I noticed that the way you playfully stood back on your heels and tilted your head was very odd indeed. Were you just looking up my nose? If not, what were you doing? Obviously, after such a profound moment of revelation I had to stop talking to you forever.

To the girl at the mall who liked my pants...
I apologize for my pathetic response. You said, “I like your pants”. I said nothing. You said, “aren’t you going to thank me?” I said, “why should I? You didn’t give them to me”.

I cannot apologize enough for that terrible line, I was irritated with your pickup line and tried my very popular ignoring you routine, but you forced me to say something. I didn’t have time to prepare something clever. Besides, we were at the mall during the 80’s. What self respecting person wearing jeans covered in triangular patches would allow himself to get involved in 80’s mall romance? What did you think we would do, open our own shop? Eat ice cream cones together? It doesn’t make sense. The relationship wouldn’t have worked. I’m just sorry I had to use such a poor quality line to set everything right.

To the group of girls in the high school hallway who pinched me and giggled as I walked by...
What was that? Did you all like me? Were you just goofing off? A lunch hour relationship between the five of us wouldn’t have worked anyway so I didn’t bother to turn around and see who you were.

To the girl that thought I was complimenting her...
I told you you looked almost exactly like someone I went to school with. You said, “Thank you.” Where did that come from? I couldn’t say anything else. You may have been thinking, “If the girl he goes to school looks like me she must be pretty”, but that would still be the same as saying “You look like yourself”. That’s not a compliment, just an observation. Sorry about starting that lack of conversation. And you know I was sorry because I never spoke to you again.

To the girl who was my friend but not my girlfriend who was always trying to make me jealous...
I liked you, but I was more like a father than a friend. You were smart but needed help. I tried to explain life to you but you could never get it. If you didn’t need so much parenting then maybe I could have seen you differently. But you remained a perpetual child, and I moved on. So we had a lot in common, big deal, that’s no basis for a relationship. If my life plan was to suffer I would have at least found a woman who was financially stable so I wouldn’t have to work while dealing with her noise.

To the girl at the graduation party...
You were staring at me all night and smiling. You seemed like you were trying to get my attention. We talked for about 5 minutes at the end of the evening and I left because the numbers didn’t crunch. You were a gymnast and on the swim team, I was wearing a shiny blue jacket. It never could have worked out.

To all the moms who pushed their daughters at me directly or indirectly...
You raised lovely young ladies. Kudos. But I always knew that you were interested in me and that’s why you pushed your girls my way. I guess you just wanted someone in the family to benefit from my presence. That was very unselfish of you. But I thought the whole thing through. I would have to come and visit you on occasion for family events and so on. Even if you didn’t get jealous, you and I would know the truth even though unspoken. And I think you can understand how that could get really weird and creepy. So, I never could have started a relationship with your daughters. Now if you were 20 years younger, maybe things would have been different between us, unless granny had her eye on me. You must have really loved me though, or you were just thinking how you never married the young broke artist (who rode a bicycle) when you had the chance.

To the girl I fell in "love" with at first sight...
Sorry I never bothered to tell you, but it would have been a hassle and a waste of our time. I'm sure you had better things to do than waste a couple of months dating me. And I certainly didn't want to waste any more of my time thinking irrationally. So you can understand why I never spoke to you again.

To the woman who used to rub her body against me in my office while I was explaining how we were going to develop her company web site...
I tried to ignore you, I tried to move further over on the desk but pretty soon you had me pressed up against the wall, with your chest pushed firmly against my right arm. I remained cold and distant. At our next meeting, I put out my hand to shake yours and you knocked it out of the way and threw your arms around me in front of many colleagues. I kept my arms at my side and said, “this is very professional”. You certainly had a knack for attaining maximum one-sided intimacy in a very public glass walled office. You wanted to come work for me but you had already hugged yourself out of a job.

To the countless women and girls who have feigned interest in me...
Why were you wasting your time and mine? I couldn't shake you, you were always around me like a swarm of insects. Did you think I was famous? I could tell you weren't interested in me. Did you not know that you weren't interested? You would just stand there and stare at me adoringly. Maybe you just thought I was nice to look at. So were some of you, but I wasn't going to waste my time following you around and staring. So, I'm sorry I left you in my wake and ignored you, but there's no way I could have told all of you to piss off.

In conclusion: So, ladies, even though the purpose of my actions was primarily not to waste my own time, by extension, your time was not wasted by me. You would have been hurt worse when I dumped you or worse still if you were able to fool me into marrying you. It was best that it ended before it began.

P.S. To the numerous gay men who harassed me throughout my life but especially between the years 1988-1991...
You really didn't think this relationship through at all!!! You're not even girls! How could you have possibly expected that to work? I rarely ran from a mugger or a drug dealer or thugs on the street because I knew their intentions were honorable (except the gay ones). You have given me good reason to be “homophobic”, so I ran. Fast. I hope for your sake none of you were heartbroken girls who got sex changes because you thought I was gay. Of course, perhaps that is less disturbing. Oh, and by the way, it is not flattering to be chased by a gay man. Nor is it really a compliment, when that compliment comes from a dirty sticky pervert.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I miss oranges...

Okay, I miss going into the front yard and picking oranges off the tree, and I miss going to the back yard and year round having cumquats ready for the eating. I miss the lemons and I miss growing tomatoes year-round. I miss my herb garden.

I don't miss very much from Phoenix, the winter weather is great but the air is thicker than it used to be. There are some great restaurants that I used to visit, but I can visit great restaurants anywhere (except for places like where I now live). I like to make my own meals anyway, and although I don't rival any of the great chefs that have directed fantastic food toward my face, I'm not going to burn my own steak, and I know how to properly grill swordfish (although I rarely eat it anymore because I think they are taking them too small these days, and I want those little tykes to grow up before I eat them). My point is that even though I'm not the greatest cook, I can make a very enjoyable meal as long as the basics are of good quality so I don't need great restaurants. I need a greenhouse. A big one.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Something in confidence...

I’ve been told many times in my life that I’m a genius. I’ve also been asked many times if I am a genius. Something that has happened even more often in my life is the question, “what’s your IQ?”

I (almost) invariably respond to the first, “so?” to the second, “yes, but so are you.” and to the third, “IQ tests don’t measure intelligence, they measure acquired knowledge in a very narrow frame of reference. They are somewhat more accurate at estimating the intelligence of a very young child, but in order to truly test intelligence they would have to teach you something you’ve never known before and measure how fast you could learn, retain and use that knowledge.”

A genius can be good at anything. A genius can be great at math, soap making, soup making, sheep milking, tooth grinding etcetera. Everyone has skills and abilities that could be considered genius. Some prefer not to use these, or are not self-aware enough to realize they have such qualities without focused intervention and guidance.

I am super awesomely hyper intelligent in many ways, but I think my intelligence is simply to counterbalance the fact that I cannot store items in memory very long. The chicken/egg of it is that I may have simply never felt a need for the ability to retain information because I could learn so fast. As I get older my learning slows and I’ve come to value memory more, but I think that my memory has been suffering as well. However, to me there is nothing wrong with a graceful aging and dumbing down. My real genius never rested in my intelligence anyway. What truly makes me a genius is just one ability, my confidence.

I have a supreme confidence that isn’t based on anything external. I’m reasonably certain that there is someone else out there who is as confident as me, but I’ve never met that person. There are people who walk with a cocky swagger or some other affectation that represents to many a type of “confidence” but the confidence shown in these cases is an illusion. This type of confidence is one of two things:

1) A great act by a person who knows that they can bluff their way into a position of group dominance by showing a larger than life attitude. It takes a certain amount of confidence to pull it off, but someone will eventually chip through it, and it might even get ugly.

2) A person who is only circumstantially confident. On top of the world for the moment and everything feels like it’s moving forward. This eventually ends, and the individual crashes to their natural level or even below that level. Of course, their true lack of confidence makes constant appearances whenever they perceive any threat to their position.

I’ve been shown in many ways that I have little power in this world, and even less money, yet people invariably think that I am both rich and powerful. Obviously, people who know me reasonably well don’t think those things, they think I’m a genius.

The relatively rare times in my life that I have done well financially haven’t changed me except to perhaps make me even less ambitious than I already was. I’m no slacker. I work hard and am very self-motivated, I just find it difficult to be motivated by anything other than myself. Money, I need it, but I find it impossible to get myself to want it. To me what carries real weight is my own opinion, not prevailing circumstances or opinions of others. A big reason for this is that the opinions of others are based on the opinions of others and the prevailing circumstances, while the prevailing circumstances are also based on these same opinions. It is all fabricated to keep the people with a lack of confidence (the vast majority of humankind) in their places. Since these elements feed on themselves the person who is starting things in motion rarely knows that they are at the forefront of the downfall of a society or even “civilization”.

Since these circumstances exist, they must have been put in place by people who lack confidence. A truly confident person (which would imply some level of intelligence) has no need for circumstances around him to be altered, as long as he remains the same he retains the only measure of control he can ever really have.

Now, you might say that a confident person has more control than that, they can use the strength of their character to influence others to do their will. Although it is true that a confident person “could” do this, that is a lower level of confidence than what I have. My confidence doesn’t allow me the luxury of manipulation, because I would prefer to allow people to think for themselves. I cannot say that I have NEVER controlled people and that I never will do it again. Certainly, I have accidentally changed peoples minds on numerous occasions. That’s the curse of confidence, no matter how much you try to do your own thing, you end up with followers. This makes you appear to be a leader, but you’re not. They are just sheep who follow you in the hopes that some of your essence will rub off on them.

Getting back to my opinions for a moment, they are great because they are amplified (not embellished) perspectives on the truth. They are facts plus 1. In short, my opinions are like having extra facts in your daily apportionment of factual data. There aren’t more facts, but it feels like more facts, because the facts are better. It’s like the difference between having a puppy and having a puppy that can travel through time, disrupting the continuity of its own existence, to become almost paradoxically cuddly.

Okay, I’m sorry, I originally had a great reason for starting this post, but I left for a while and forgot what the point was. This is a great demonstration of my poor memory, and to further demonstrate my confidence, I’m posting this on the blog right now, fully ready to not care if you read it or not.

Oh, hey, I just remembered. I was going to explain how my confidence has many exciting features that aren't showcased in others. First of all, sometimes my confidence gets a bit out of control and I think that I can challenge people who are much, bigger, stronger and crazier than me and convince them that my brains are stronger than their muscles and fists. Often it has worked and that shows that my confidence was stronger than their brains. Later, as I walk away "a winner" the fear creeps in and I realize how close I came to being brutalized or killed. When it doesn't work out, I generally don't feel a sense of fear, but am still ill at ease as I am lofted into the air, kicked in the crotch or punched in the stomach (rarely the face as the people who can't be overpowered by my strength of character are often focusing below the belt).

Generally, however, my confidence doesn't seem like confidence at all. Because I've had many times in my life where I have accidentally forced my will on people or frightened people with my inadvertent strength of character, I try to subdue my natural forcefulness as much as possible. I am even nervous about looking people in the eye because I don't want to frighten them. What often results from this is that people think I am the one who is uncertain or afraid when in reality I am just protecting them from the weight of their own terror. I don't mind that people think this. It would be great if we could all live lives of fact and understanding, but if we can't, I can forcefully subdue my own confidence for the safety and well-being of mankind. A great side-benefit is that I don't get slapped around too often these days.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

chocophobic definition

A chocophobic is one who does not appreciate newly coined words that are counterintuitive.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Random things from years gone by..

Something I wrote several years ago. They are meaningful-less.

Lyphe Scentans

Welcome! Except your imminent defeat.
Visit the banana
Be my grapefruit
Tantalize the napkin fox
Reeds are teeth to mandy
We'll perform the "not with the knife dad" routine
They clap back in shocked amazement
There are tigers in my pants!
Will there ever be a wind of a dollar and change?
I like to ride the mice
Tennis is as tall as my eyebrow
I'm never going to kill the cat
Sylme rental plethoid
I detest your wilting arm
Degraded to airplane
Alarm is my gladys lamp
Ok your dime!
Indulge in fake lace
Restore gender bucket
the dimple was blue
my arm is left
cream of rope
razzle dazzle toilet bowl
keen as karp
telula carp
gym has been paint torn
stimulate the canopy!
refresh the pint at tomb land
quench my air hole
tease the resperator
glandular testimony refuted!
corpse alert!
I've been coloring your business cards
Qweep is my rasp of or for to tape
Rinse the lady
kelp is donated to keyman
report is my lollipop
green plywood
refoil the couch
you are still on fire
he is not on fire
the dog will choke when ready
i need lung density
i was stung by a be or not to bee
crane was the dinner in my heart
tonight we're killing tape with dread locked tight
tune in at elbow
never rely on wax
i can't see your lips
where did I leave the foam?
are you trigger around
cry for the tree of fire
my cat burned
dissolve in water
just add water
hot blooded badger alert
count me out
you are giant barbequed teeth
stereophonic rotisserie shovel
cranial tray of saltines
tigersticks are unfolding
rent drips from the lawn
doors that once were shut are now open to disease
enchanted lifestyles of margarine
today you are 61
I have a letter from the tornado
here is a memo from the asphalt distributor
telegram from murderer -- have accepted mace
blood was folded to the left on the arm
the hoax handed out tickets to carnival explosives
I'm the #1 contestant in a love contest sponsored by you!
face the man to mend the face he hands you
try to do your homework without the spoon
ok now land on mars
are you sure this is illegal?
count to ten and dismember
the rifle will be confiscated by the non-troll
you can't tell me what to say
you can't tall me what to say
you can't tell me which to sway
Sunroom can't be type-cast
are you all tired?
where did these subtle nuances come from?
be gentle, It's my last leg
are you sure this is wrong?
be careful to kick the dog before tripping
the moon dropped its groceries on steve
sparks flew into the dog
the rabbit was eaten by my sled
there were four attempts made by wednesday
is there any salt on this planet?!?!?
i left the door open on the wastebasket
I'd like you to meet stork, he's from wednesday
are you entered in the truck launch?
I've been watching you staple out the eyes on my photo
krill alert
are you 5?
I can't see through the axe
i'm sorry, did i blind you?
stop saying "cheese"
when two people love each other they are said to be "grapie"
are you entering this into the nut log?
I have a problem with your being correct.
I have an issue with you on the cover
are you entering this into the cheese log?
It's just staple love.
are you entering this into the rice cake?
I've just been fined 40 million percent!
I've just found 40 million percent!
I'm allergic to having my limbs cut off with spoons.
I'm allergic to eating liquid cake
I'm allergic to having my ribs removed
I break out when someone pours jail cells on me.
my cousin doesn't like getting killed.
you wouldn't know a bite if it bit you.
I'm licensed to relieve myself for the weekend
are you wintering near the equator?
no, I am a tray of unused cigars
will you allow me the pleasure of this knee surgery?
frankly my dear?
you are the only one with elastic legs on foam for me
are you near the electric warning dime?
can anyone spell the genus of that carrot?
are you sure I should fold the sandwich outward?
I have hidden my boring identity
you are the only secretary for me
you are the only legal secretary for me
you are the only convenience store clerk for me
you are the only mostly female convenience store clerk for me
you are the only crumb for me
you are the only quarter ounce portion of minced steak for me
are you a piece of orange flavored cornhusk sausage?
I said, are you going to eat that styrofoam?
are you sure about the pun award?
mom, dad, i think it's time you knew my awful secret for making rice
mom, dad, i think it's time you told me i'm not really adopted
fish, sock, i'm not really zorro
kite, lint, i'm not sure what your last name is
cork, tire iron, i am not eating any more cadmium
i reflect the ugly colors of the sun
i like the way your keys sparkle in your mouth
tents are for jumping in
i can't replace your smile
are you sure you hate trees?
i'm in your window
this is the wednesday shuffle
are you rocket powered?
cable and grease are on loan from the interior designer's lunch
hammer and thread
i kept this because it reminds me of yolk
the tire had three electric nipples
use the hammer to drill your way out
last time I was in a well i had the cheese puffs
there were ten reasons to eat the dog but this wasn't one of them
i can't tell where your head stops and your heart begins
i had the tricycle frozen until they find the pedal
i had my ant farm excavated to build a mall
i found many primitive foam tools
i rasp when my cable breaks
i stapled the gum to your wrist
will you teach me spend?
count to nub
are you really central park?
this is the way to feed the glowworm
are you a giant slab of concrete?
there was a lampshade in my eye.
premium mind will consult sewer face
that avalanche didn't pay
are you still trying to earwig that truncheon?
I can't live without tarpaper in my lap
ten percent less trees!
are you going to kill me now?
I'm seeing the back of someone's head for a while
i need a bucket spacer
you are not are is am
this does vonvern you
this does bonbern you
this does not concerb yoo
are you going to fly north today?
my pencil loves you
my rope likes steak
are you a red bus?
I am a tropical disease
Mmmm lumbar roll
Tetanus anyone?
The glass rolled down as my hair unfolded
I don't consider you to be insignificant to a very great degree
I lost my wallet in your mouth
The fur chipped off my leg
I licked the tree for a penny
Will you dance with this sample?
I've known all along that you were angle plated
The difference between you and me is the letter me
I don't know what to say but I can guess
All you ever do is salt the warthog
Can you identify the ant that bit you?
Can you identify the aunt that hit you?
Are you folding grapes?
What time was it?
The elephant is on fire
The elephant is under fire
Flames licked my elephant
A single tear
Applaud, for the density is reaching singularity
Cranefly always hides the curvature
Dentist willl blink for the fire
Tree is my understudy
Can you tell when I'm lying?
Tell me a secret in the summer of love
You've been caught transplanting elephants
Abigail is the Wednesday sound
Wedding day is full of starch
I've got you included
Tent is my hammer tread trying to breathe
Will you ever be sound in your carapace?
We call it lunch with jelly
Are you stupid or is the shart folding on my neck?
What does it mean to be shlorkie?
Why do I always find myself shaving my ear?
Are there any unknown questions?
I laughed my arm up!
I haven't told you this yet!
Why are you teething?
Are we bleeding the right end?
I can't believe you because you are full of flowers
I've typed out a code in hammer language
Have you been counting the arteries in my hair?
Too many buddies
Carrot spleaning time!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

civilization does not exist (Part I)

slavery vs. employment

In this first installment I will perform a slapdash comparison of these two occupations and wow you with the outcome.

Employment: Being in the working world has its benefits. You can make a little money and thus attend to your daily needs and perhaps some of your desires as well. Of course, you’ll need to pay close attention to your pocketbook, or you can easily end up starving on the streets. You may even find a job you enjoy. But more often than not employees are subjected to abuse, ridicule and long hours. Often illegal treatment, including inappropriate pay and sexual harassment must be endured. If you work very hard you might get a partnership, stock in the company, or you may even be able to take that dream vacation or even buy your freedom. Of course, the positives that I just mentioned probably won’t happen for you, and the negatives are usually much worse.

Slavery: Being a slave has its benefits. You may be provided a modest stipend that will allow you to get some of the things that make life a bit more enjoyable, you have a roof over your head and you generally don’t need to worry about anything beyond your daily work, which is usually pretty strenuous. Your master may be understanding and kind, or he might be a dirty bastard who beats you whenever he’s in a foul mood. If you’re particularly attractive, you may be subjected to sexual harassment. If you work very hard you might one day be seen as a respected member of the family or even earn your freedom. Of course, this best case scenario rarely happens.

Now that you see the vast chasm between between employment (where you are used by someone else) and slavery (where you are owned by someone else), I’m sure you’ll want to keep your day job. You may want to get more than one job just to show everyone that you’re on the side of freedom!