a new deodorant can of deodorant worms

Trying a new deodorant is a big deal for me, because I have allergic reactions to almost every deodorant and antiperspirants make me sweat profusely. My last deodorant had the slogan “developed with athletes” proudly displayed on the label. I often wondered how the athletes assisted with its creation. Were they the “scientists” who formulated it? Were they questioned to see what they wanted in a deodorant? Were they guinea pigs who were experimented on, perhaps without their knowledge, or were they just pulverized, liquified, or granulated to somehow serve as the base for the deodorant? Doesn’t really matter, because it worked okay. If it works, I don’t care how many dead sports heros are in it, and I don’t care how dumb the people are who made it. But I could no longer find that particular deodorant. My new deodorant looked as if it had already been opened and possibly used, so I examined the top to see if there were hairs or something in it, and written right on the top were the words “TAKE THE RISK”. I was thinking, would some dude rub this under his arm and then emboss these words to try to goad me into acquiring his unique variety of underarm warts? Now, you know I’m a risk taker when it comes to deodorant, because i need to try them out to find out if I’m allergic. I don’t need to be taunted by my deodorant, as though I’m not living on the edge already. Another slogan for the same deodorant was, “FOR RISK TAKERS, It’s the smell of telling your boss that he hasn’t had an original idea in 20 years.” That seems a bit unfair, because I am my boss, so If I wear this deodorant I’m telling me I’m not a very good boss, plus, I’m a risk taker, and I haven’t had any good ideas in a while, and apparently I don’t like me. Of course, I would have to assume that it was the marketers complaining that they had to do this campaign, because how could they have known that I might take the risk?

Well, I decided to go ahead and take the risk, I’m wearing the deodorant as I write this. It seems to be working okay, but I’m beginning to feel dissatisfied with my job, life, self, I would jump off a building but I would have to drive for more than an hour to find a building tall enough... There is a silo about a mile from here. Now I’m on a quest to prove something to this deodorant. But it is easier to be a risk taker now that I hate myself.