As we all know, donkeys have been around for decades and have enriched our lives with their ability to carry huge loads and the uncanny 'knack' they have for obtuse cuteness that qualifies them to amuse children and retarded people. The donkey can mate with other donkeys or with horses, donkeys seem to like it that way. The product of a daddy donkey and a mommy horsey is called a mule, while the unholy union of a female donkey and a male horsey is called a hinny. Although either of the offspring of these “relationships” would be totally half-assed, the mule is much more respected in the equine community.
Assertions of genetic espionage and insider trading have been leveled against donkeys almost since their emergence as major players in the burden bearing and needlework industries.
When Charles H. Darwin first discovered donkeys in the Galapagos Islands, he was most impressed by their athletic build and confident stance. When they were offered an all expense paid trip to the Scottish highlands, the donkeys just giggled like little girls and signed the papers. For untold weeks the donkeys roamed the rolling, rocky countryside posing for numerous magazine layouts and getting plastered on the finest single malts. When Darwin realized that his team of donkey supermodels were just getting fat and lazy, he banished them to south america (all expenses paid, of course).
While aboard the Kon-Tiki, they enjoyed the open bar freely, but the blended Scotch was a real disappointment. Everything else was a blur.
When they arrived in South America they began construction of a great land bridge that they would eventually use to start new civilizations on Mars. The depth and richness of science and culture that the donkey race brought to Martian society remains unsurpassed by any of the life forms that populate that planet today.
As for the donkeys that remained in South America, they became oppressive overlords and eventually enslaved all of the native grasses and some of the herbs. When the vegetation of the earth finally had its fill of this oppression, the revolt was great and the entire earth wept, while the donkey hair poultice market boomed.
Blood of donkeys muddied the streets. Terror was $1.95 a box and the boxes were filled to the brim, which was really a great deal if you’re into that type of thing or know someone who is. Much of the terror was bought as gifts for anyone known in the family, yet not in general company of the family except during holocausts and occupations.
Eventually the donkey leader - known to everyone as “wheat” - decreed that the donkeys should no longer be harmed, but become indentured servants to their grassy overlords. Nibble by nibble the donkeys infiltrated the domain of the grasses and eventually overthrew them. The donkeys had learned a valuable lesson from all of this, but they couldn’t remember what it was. And so it has been ever since.
We enjoyed taking this little trip down memory lane, hope you did as well.